consternation leads to mental constipation, rendering one incapable of hearing the voices of imagination, creativity and love.  its okay if you feel like shit and you need to come to my house, just don't shit on my living room floor. go straight to the bathroom, crap into the crapper where it belongs and then we can talk and share productively. its fine too if you want to keep showing up in my dream to show me where i still hold out for separation, but i am vigilant for my Whole Mind so i embrace it as my own and move on.  we probably won't get to hang out much if you keep insisting on holding yourself stuck inside a cracked head - not seeing the light that is coming in. as soon as there is light, the dark is gone. "everything has a crack in it, that's how the Light gets in" -leonard cohen. if you want your Visions to come to fruition, you have to give your vision to yourself first and do the work. and doing the work to get your visions out to the world isn't about marketing or pounding the pavement or social media, if you don't test drive it yourself everyday. first things first, Whole Mind has to be your personal Practice, so that form can follow Function. one cannot Trust in their own Vision without this self-directedness and would naturally be worried and frustrated about it. if we want our visions to sustain us, and we want to trust in them, we must know it, love it and understand it by our Practice within ourselves, first things first, and release result oriented thinking.  trust within Is the work.  we all know how to put one foot in front of the other and speak. it has nothing to do with the past and all the effort and work you have done. it has to do with this very instant, right now, where you have the choice to Live your vision from within or push it out like a really tough poOP! why be sisyphus when you are the Mountain, the Man, the Boulder, the Sky and Dreamer of the dream? you decide!  …just keepin it real over here at First Things First studio, east village new yawk citee!

i know that voice is there.  i know that guiding hand is there.  i cannot feel it sometimes.  but i just know its there.  the guiding hand that takes my hand and looks me in the eyes and speaks to me in a way that is undeniably True.  you can see it in those eyes.  and i know those eyes.  i have seen those eyes.  i used to see two sets of eyes.  one was very dark and sinister.  masculine. that was when i was a child. then as a young adult, while still seeing those dark sinister eyes in my dreams… that's how i would see them.  just a pair of dark molten red eyes, emerging from the infinite black and pushing right towards me and those eyes were right up to my eyeballs' watery edges. i started seeing another pair of eyes, these new eyes, when i left home for university.  these new eyes would often appear, not in my dreams but when i was asked in some classroom or group exercise, "where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years?" and that's when would see these new eyes. crystal clear, blue-green and white hair flying around the outline of her face. i never see her face, just the eyes, but i know its a woman. smoothly approaching, taking just two or three confident incoming swifts, as she was already quite close when she initially appears. and really really close so that's all i could see but at a place where i could see into them and them into me. and i feel Certainty. the certainty of me. we will keep meeting again and again, these crystal blue-green persuasions. each time i remember my True self.