and confused i am getting signs
that i have fallen asleep and
need to hold out the palm of my
hand and see my dilemma in the
palm of my hand and hold it gently
and take deep breaths into my belly
and exhale deeply while holding the
dilemma gently out in front of me
in the palm of my hand and gaze softly
and do this first so that i can see
my circumstances clearly,
without the distraction of the
self hating monologue.
i need to connect with my
Love or Power within. and
ask for help within. i also
have to commit again and again
to whatever i have chosen as my
beacon Home - and commit to a
definition of "home" that feels as safe and
loving as i want it to be
even if i still hear voices telling me i am not worthy…
that place - called Home - is as safe and loving and whole
as i want it to be and the
mysterious forces of the universe will take me
the rest of the way there if i just remember to
point myself towards it. and if i can't feel
the strength to do that, then find the strength
to ask for help in turning, in FAITH that my
loving safe HOME IS REAL.
as real as the very breath i take,
for that is all I have - NOW. this breath....
inclusive of all that appears to precede or follow,
but here is my anchor, here is my vessel, here is my Northern Star and my compass to guide me. here. in the center of the center of the center of the center...
...of the center of the center of the center of the center ...of the center of the center of the center of the center ...of the center of the center of the center of the center ...
first things first, when i am all flared up or flattened out
first things first, when i can't see beyond the cloud
and unless there is a tree
falling down or a piano dropping
20 floors above my head, i really don't
necessarily need to Act SO Fast.
so i can just lean over to tie my shoe
while i figure out what to do, once i've
let go of the emo-urgency.
and i say all this through gritted teeth and knuckles white
as i let another day pass into night too.
but i have experience. and i do know, this too shall pass.
meanwhile chop wood carry water and
start shakin that ass shakin that ass
