when i am feeling unloveable 
and confused i am getting signs 
that i have fallen asleep and 
need to hold out the palm of my 
hand and see my dilemma in the 
palm of my hand and hold it gently 
and take deep breaths into my belly 
and exhale deeply while holding the 
dilemma gently out in front of me 
in the palm of my hand and gaze softly 
and do this first so that i can see 
my circumstances clearly, 
without the distraction of the 
self hating monologue. 


i need to connect with my 
Love or Power within. and 
ask for help within. i also 
have to commit again and again 
to whatever i have chosen as my 
beacon Home - and commit to a 
definition of "home" that feels as safe and 
loving as i want it to be 
even if i still hear voices telling me i am not worthy… 
that place - called Home - is as safe and loving and whole 
as i want it to be and the 
mysterious forces of the universe will take me 
the rest of the way there if i just remember to 
point myself towards it. and if i can't feel 
the strength to do that, then find the strength 
to ask for help in turning, in FAITH that my 
loving safe HOME IS REAL. 
as real as the very breath i take, 
for that is all I have - NOW. this breath.... 
inclusive of all that appears to precede or follow, 
but here is my anchor, here is my vessel, here is my Northern Star and my compass to guide me. here. in the center of the center of the center of the center...

...of the center of the center of the center of the center ...of the center of the center of the center of the center ...of the center of the center of the center of the center ...

first things first, when i am all flared up or flattened out

first things first, when i can't see beyond the cloud

and unless there is a tree 
falling down or a piano dropping 
20 floors above my head, i really don't 
necessarily need to Act SO Fast. 
so i can just lean over to tie my shoe 
while i figure out what to do, once i've 
let go of the emo-urgency. 
and i say all this through gritted teeth and knuckles white 
as i let another day pass into night too. 
but i have experience. and i do know, this too shall pass. 
meanwhile chop wood carry water and 
start shakin that ass shakin that ass